The Singer's Song

On Wednesday, February 9, embattled Senator Mark Dayton (D-MN) surprised beltway insiders by opting not to run for reelection. Perhaps his anemic approval ratings, caused in part by the closure of his D.C. office right before the election because of a “terrorist threat,” led him to believe he would have some difficulty in securing a second term. Maybe he decided against a bid because he couldn’t afford spending another $12 million of his own money (albeit inherited money) on another race. Either way, he left his Minnesota Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party in a tough position.

The first thought of the DFLers – as they’re apparently known – was to recruit a celebrity. Wrestler-cum-action star Jesse Ventura being unavailable, the next big name in Minnesota politics was Al Franken. A former member of Saturday Night Live, Franken currently hosts a radio program on Air America called The O’Franken Factor (a nod to his favorite blotch-covered Faux News host, Bill O’Reilly). Franken let word leak out that he would announce his intentions about running for the Senate during his radio show that Thursday. Drawing out his decision until the waning minutes of the program, Franken told his listeners that he would not run – for now (leaving open the possibility of running in 2008).

What is it, exactly, about our infatuation with celebrities that we believe they would make efficient lawmakers and executives? Did Ben Jones’ illustrious service as “Cooter” on The Dukes of Hazard fully prepare him to be a United States Congressman? How about former coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers Tom Osborne? Did leading his team to multiple national football championships offer him the background necessary for writing legislation? Baseball Hall of Famer Jim Bunning cheated in a debate in the fall by using a teleprompter but was nevertheless reelected as a Republican Senator from Kentucky. Did pitching a no-hitter forty years ago make Bunning any less senile?

In 2006, California might have the distinct opportunity of choosing between not one, but two celebrities for Governor. Rob Reiner, director of such films as This Is Spinal Tap and When Harry Met Sally and an occasional actor, is seriously considering a run for the Democratic gubernatorial nomination. If he should knock off State Treasurer Phil Angelides in the primary, Californians will have to choose between Meathead (is that reference to dated for us college-aged folk?) and the Kindergarten Cop. Quite a prospect, indeed.

Maybe it’s time for the celebrities and athletes to stay out of politics. Lynn Swann might have been a great wide receiver – one of the best of all time – but he has no business running for Governor of Pennsylvania next year. Dennis Miller should stick to stand up rather than make a run for the Senate here in California. Every one of these celebs should take a cue from Fred Dalton Thompson. He gave up a seat in the Senate so he could do some really important work. Thompson now serves as District Attorney on NBC’s Law and Order.

This article originally appeared in the February 16, 2005 edition of The Collage, a student newspaper covering the Claremont Colleges

Two weeks ago, shockwaves hit America as the nation was informed that one of its most beloved characters is a tool of the homosexual lobby. On December 20, The New York Times quoted Dr. James C. Dobson, who leads the conservative group Focus on the Family, as saying that SpongeBob Squarepants had been enlisted in a “pro-homosexual video” along with such other moral subversives like Jimmy Neutron and Barney. Dobson’s assistant, Paul Batura, echoed this sentiment, calling the video “an insidious means by which the organization is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids.” In retribution, Vanity Fair Contributing Editor James Wolcott bestowed a new epithet upon Dr. Dobson: “SpongeDob Stickypants.”

This is not the first time that a leader of the religious right has caused a furor over allegations of homosexuality among children’s characters. Bert and Ernie were accused of carrying on an illicit relationship in a bid to ban the two from North Carolina’s airwaves in 1994 and The Lion King’s Timon and Pumbaa were attacked a year later (both by the same man, one Reverend Joseph Chambers of Charlotte, N.C.). More recently, in 1999 the Reverend Jerry Falwell outed Tinky Winky, the purple Teletubby.

It’s bad enough when such attacks come from the Religious Right; it’s almost expected of them to cry wolf every once and a while as a cathartic moment to ease their pent up aggression. When such actions are taken by a member of the Administration, however, it’s an entirely different story.

In one of her first actions as Secretary of Education, Margaret Spellings went on the cultural offensive against the homosexual movement by threatening PBS against running certain cartoon. What, exactly, was Ms. Spellings’ qualm about the program? Postcards From Buster, a spin-off of the popular Arnold series, features an animated rabbit named Buster who visits real children around the country. In the offending episode, entitled “Sugartime!,” Buster and his father visit the state of Vermont where they meet two actual children who have gay parents. Talk about a controversy! After receiving a letter from Ms. Spellings, PBS CEO Pat Mitchell announced that the episode had coincidentally been nixed just hours earlier.

There are serious problems in the nation today and few could prove as detrimental to America’s prosperity as the declining and crumbling public education system. President Bush’s horribly underfunded No Child Left Behind law is bleeding school districts across the country dry through testing requirements without sufficient money for implementation, and schools are finding it increasingly difficult to have less than 40 students in each classroom. Why is it, then, that the most important priority of the new Education Secretary is to advance a moral crusade? Perhaps Ms. Spellings should spend a little more time trying to improve the nation’s schools before seeking out a culture war, though it would be preferable if she would leave the latter to the likes of Dobson and Falwell.

This article originally appeared in the February 2, 2005 edition of The Collage, a student newspaper covering the Claremont Colleges